It is unbearably depressing. There seems to be nothing to be happy or cheerful about. Nearly lost the entire lacrimal gland reserve day before yesterday. Thankfully atleast the eyes seem a lot cleaner now. :-)
Is it me who is at wrong – do I have unfair or great expectations?
This reminds me of
Having ‘best friend(s)’ is another question of great debatable qualities, usually argued on an idealistic and spiritual plane. Shouldn’t the approach to life in general be staying reasonably detached, that is to say, neither too happy nor too sad about people and material world. In other words, as far as possible, staying constant and consistent by remaining aloof. If that is the case, it is best to consider your own self as the solver of your own problems and the only person who you can talk your heart out, which you would ordinarily do with a ‘best friend’. That is not to say that you become unsociable or misanthropic, or you don’t have close friends. It is theoretically possible to be close to lots of people, still not be so close to anyone that have great expectations from that person.
The erstwhile policy of not having any of best friends, having been involuntarily discarded, causes pain as a bye-product. Like most things in life, even this is irreversible and irrevocable. It is but obvious that there are no regrets on having such fantastic friends.
Felt very homesick yesterday. Wished my sister on her last exam. Hope she does well. Planning to fly back home two weeks hence.
1 comment:
At the cost of making it sound like I'm giving you advice, kindly note the following. They may not be true, and might be a figment of my imagination, but I do believe in them sincerely, and hope they shed some light on what is troubling you:
1. There is no such thing as quid pro quo friendship. There cannot be. This is for the simple reason that we all have our own 'opening up' time. You may take 25 days to be comfortable enough with a friend to open up, I may take 25 months. Either way, patience is the key. It's futile a complaint that x never tells me anything. It's not a reflection of lack of trust or comfort. Both may be present, but x may just be an extremely closed person by nature. Such worries about a relationship like friendship will only add bitterness to it. Don't look for symmetry in human relations. Symmetry will take away the beauty of their abstractness.
2. Sharing your life and opening up to people does not amount to using them. In fact, it's a great honour you do to a friend by showing him/her that you trust him/her enough to share intricate and delicate details about your life. If your friend feels burdened, s/he will communicate that. Do not be oversensitive, for this will result in superfluous paranoia and discomfort.
3. Aloofness and detachment to me are never very strong qualities. In fact, I believe, perhaps wrongly, that they are characteristics of people who've grown cynical with life or who are too cowardly to hazard getting hurt, and as a result, risk never experiencing some beautiful friendships. Each man is an island unto oneself, eventually, but friends, my dear, are very important. For the law of man has been to seek companionship, and it wouldn't have remained a craving in man to share and care through several thousand years of evolution if it were such a bad thing. Open up, allow the air to come in through your window. It'll refresh your senses. I don't claim that you'll never get hurt or that you'll lead a life with relationships which are completely protected. But you must trust, after which you will be trusted. And the beauty of such an exchange, whether in equal or unequal measure, is unparalleled in all the world.
Umm..that's all. Apologies if I sound like I'm conducting a sermon. But think it over.
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