I Got Mail!

Despite having a heavy load of work for the coming night, I was whiling my time away going through my mailbox and all the pleasant and not so pleasant memories. Since my mailbox is systematically labelled and all, there are two labels which are sort of forbidden, because they conjure the ghost of the past. One might advise me to get rid of and delete them, but I, as a rule, never delete any of my mails. So while reading some mail conversations in those label raised a smile and brought fond memories, the more recent ones just shook me enough to disable me to work tonight, putting me in a precarious position with regard to my work. I shall bid myself a pleasant night with these words:

"Try to realize it's all within yourself
no one else can make you change
And to see you're really only very small
and life flows on within you and without you"

(George Harrison, "Within You Without You, Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band)

Twenty running on twenty-one

They say that when you're twenty-one, you're a full-grown adult. I don't know how much of that is true with respect to me, but surely 2007-08 was possibly the most eventful year of my life so far (however people might smug at me and say, "Is that all?". I would say "Yeah, that should be it.") It is quite a transition, and I feel so transformed in a year full of storms, depressions and love.

It is fittingly marked by a most perfect vacation. Of pure bliss. Of peace and calm. Of enjoyment in simple pleasures of life like enjoying the monsoon with a cup of tea between the fingers and an umbrella over the head and the cup of tea, with trousers rolled up, and with the missing cigarette and its smoke.

Now twenty-one running on twenty-two. I hope I make this one fruitful.

Blae

“Dude, have you ever felt that the world's come to an end?”

“Oye! What’s wrong with you? It was just an exam!”

“I couldn’t attempt 20 marks out of 60. I’ve effectively flunked the course!”

“You won’t. And even if you do, it’s ok. Happens to everybody. You’re anyway probably the chap with the lowest CGPA without repeat in your class! And in any case, since when have you started taking exams so seriously? How can you get stressed out by exams?!”

“Hmm… I always took them fairly seriously but never get stressed out by them. But I really feel the end of everything right now. I mean, I didn’t even feel this way when I saw that sms from that wretched person with a meretricious disposition. Not even the day before that. Never before. It’s a new feeling – sort of despising myself. I mean, I’ve indulged in plenty of self-deprecating exercises earlier. But this is something new. An active hate and loss of faith in myself.”

“Uh ho! What’s the big deal, sir? Just three more days, and then you can revitalize yourself. Have you heard the concept of an unlucky number?”

“No man.”

“Yours is nine. All of us have our bad luck. So relax.”

“Stop throwing silly superstitious bullshit at me, boss! Unlucky number and all. You and your shady Oriental nescient nonsense. Get a piece of rationality in life, man!”

“Ok ok. Sorry. But there’s no use crying now. Assume you’ve got a repeat. Study for it. What else? It’s a perfect opportunity for you to learn, which you were planning to do after exams anyway.”

“That’s true. But it’s not that I didn’t know what to write. I probably knew more than most other people in my class. I was up till 5 o’ clock studying for it. But I just feel so helpless right now. One of those escapist feelings to go into absolute seclusion and become a recluse. Possibly a hermit. But I subdue those because I know I’m here to do something. There’s a purpose. A long term noble purpose, which cannot be allowed to be overridden by these escapist tendencies.”

Blues

It's such a shame that a course like Evidence Law, which seems more interesting than anything else currently, has been destroyed because of a snooty teacher, who randomly decides to concentrate on CopyRights and a lack of replacement for Mr. Ape-resh - a mongrel dog who has left me and my compatriots helpless, not just clueless. Hoping that this vacation will finally see the construction of that destroyed building called "The Law of Evidence". Prior promises in relation to other wrecks like Property Law, Contract Law, Administrative Law never materialized. But then again, there's always a first time.
Apart from that, there are those old-age blues, which I have always experienced in June but are exalted this time by the fact that I'll soon be a great grandfather.
Old. Rankwise. Rollwise. Wisdom-wise, hopefully.

On a brighter side, I've realized that My Back Pages (Bob Dylan: Another Side of Bob Dylan) and In My Life (The Beatles: Rubber Soul) are splendid, one filled with hope and revival- "Coming Back To Life" types; and the other of good memories, and a romantic past.